Excerpt from Book 1 'In The Beginning'.

Budding Writer, Loman Austen, is a middle-aged man and as such has problems with writing convincing Love Scenes. I would very much appreciate some feedback from anyone who knows about these things. Below is an excerpt from my novel 'In The Beginning'. Please feel free to comment:


Kay always seemed to say the words Oliver wanted to hear, but increasingly he got the feeling that she was not telling him everything. He tried to put it down to the fact that she had started her DPhil this year and the workload was getting her down. But as the weeks dragged on her usual flamboyant and extrovert personality became more and more apprehensive. Oliver could sense she was keeping something from him and his mind was a whirr with possibilities of what it might be.
"She’s found another man"… "I’m too young for her,"… "She wants to dump me but doesn't want to hurt my feelings,"… "She can't cope with the demands of her DPhil and me at the same time.".. "I’m becoming a pain in her arse!" Oliver wanted to know what was wrong but at the same time, he didn’t want to know.
"If you don’t want to know the answer, don’t ask the question," he kept saying to himself but he knew eventually he would have to confront it.
With Christmas only a month away Oliver finally decided he could take it no longer. He had resolved himself to ask Kay that evening and whatever was going on, he had prepared himself for bad news. He didn’t want to think of life without her, but decided it would be better than deluding himself that she felt the same way about him, because after the previous night’s phone call he got the distinct impression that, quite plainly, she didn’t. With steel in his veins and a stiff whisky in his gut to calm his demons, Oliver dialled the number that would seal his fate.
The phone started to ring. It rang once "come on! Get a grip" he berated himself as his nerve began to wobble. It rang a second time; "I could leave it until tomorrow." The third ring sounded in his ear; "No! Tomorrow never comes, it’s now or never." It rang a fourth time; "damn it, she’s not in." The fifth ring jangled his brain; "please don’t be in." The sixth ring… there was no sixth ring; all of a sudden he heard Kay’s voice. She sounded quiet and emotional as if she had been crying; "perhaps she too has decided that tonight would be the night that the truth must be told."
"Hi Kay, it’s me," he tried to sound normal and jaunty. "How are you?"
"Okay," she lied. "Look Oliver we have to talk."
"Oh Oh! Here it comes," he braced himself. "Kay, it’s alright, I’ve prepared myself for what you about to say. You know I love you but if you don’t love me, please just say it and put me out of my misery. You can lie if you want to let me down gently but honestly, I’m a man, I know I don’t look like one, but I can take it. I just want to know what I’ve done wrong."
He could hear Kay crying at the other end of the phone; he wanted to be there to hold her and comfort her and tell it was okay. "We’ve had a few laughs, nothing too heavy and now it was time to move on to pastures new. Who am I trying to kid!" he thought.
She had stopped crying but deep emotion was etched in her voice. "No! It’s no good Oliver. I can’t say this over the phone. Do you think… can you come down to Oxford this weekend?"
"Of course, in fact why wait ‘till the weekend, I can come tomorrow. What am I saying baby? I’m on my way now, please wait up for me." ...

...
Kay was carrying only one pint of the stuff and a small glass of what looked like Orange Juice! "Perhaps its vodka and orange," thought Oliver, "God, why does she need a stiff drink? What has she got to say to me?"
"Why the shorts, Kay?" asked Oliver pointing at the orange juice.
"It’s not a short, it’s just orange juice," she said as she sat down opposite him. She sipped slowly from the glass looking down into its depth and not looking him in the eye. Slowly she looked up and coughed slightly to clear her throat. Finally she spoke.
"Look Oliver, there’s no easy way of telling you this, so I’ll just say it straight…. I’m going to have a baby... We’re going to have a baby!" Kay blurted out. "I’m pregnant!" then she burst into tears again.
Oliver was momentarily dumbstruck, his jaw opened wide but no words would come from his mouth. His brain was working overtime. "Pregnant… pregnant…" he kept repeating to himself, "We’re going to have a baby! Oh my god, that’s brilliant, I’m going to be a dad… No … disaster… I’m too young to be a dad... Kay was on the pill, how could she be pregnant?... She stopped taking it because she loves me so much she wants to have my baby… No! She stopped taking it to trap me into marrying her... But I want to marry her... I love her… I didn’t think I was old enough to be a dad…. Kay doesn’t want a baby now; she’s just started on her DPhil… Perhaps she’s fed up with studying and thinks this is her way out, she knows I’m loaded and I’ll support her… Maybe it’s someone else’s… no she wouldn’t cheat on me… mind you she flirts like mad with other blokes when ever we go to a club…. Maybe she was raped!! Oh my god she WAS raped… she’ll want an abortion of course… I’ve got loads of money I can pay for it for it… don’t be so stupid, you’re violently opposed to abortions… Yes but that’s for other people, not me and Kay… surely I have enough money to sort this out… No, there’s no monetary solution to this predicament…" his mind whirred to more and more extreme reasons and solutions.
Kay’s mind was buzzing too with what must now be going through Oliver's brain. "He won’t want this baby, he’s too young to be a dad… he’s always saying how much he loves me, perhaps he’ll be happy… I’ve never told him I love him; perhaps he thinks I don’t, but I do… desperately... He’ll think I’ve done this to trap him, how can I tell him I don’t know how it happened? I’m practically a doctor of genetics for god’s sake… he’ll never buy that one… I hope he doesn’t ask me to marry him… I hope he does ask me to marry him… I don’t know what I want… all I want is for him to hold me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay."
They stared at each other in shock for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, when Oliver had ordered, considered and dismissed his thoughts he came out with the most profound statement his brain could muster.
"Jesus Christ! I never expected this for one minute. I thought you’d dragged me down here to dump me." He held out his arms to Kay. "Come here baby," he said with tears welling up in his eyes. She stepped sheepishly into his embrace. Oliver held her tight then whispered gently into her ear, "everything will be okay." Kay pulled back slightly, looked Oliver deep into his bright orange eyes and said…

"I LOVE YOU."